I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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