Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I faked an abortion last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
