You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Never joke about your clitoris.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
