Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize