State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
