did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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