I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
