I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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