Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
