Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
