So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize