oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
