she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
