you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
