Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
