I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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