i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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