Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
