Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
