The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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