she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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