he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
