I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
