I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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