I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
