4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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