I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
