They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
