saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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