Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
