Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
