you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
