I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
