I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize