the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
