There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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