The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
farters have to be the big spoon...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
pray to the hookup gods
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize