Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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