ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
