69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
