I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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