His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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