I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
