I can tuck mytits in my pants
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
