You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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