I got chris browned last night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
