dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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