i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
