i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize