I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
