Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
