Can i not drive my cunt home
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
