I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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