I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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