Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
