i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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