Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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