my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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