hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
