Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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