Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We need to get me chipped asap
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
