i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
