I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
