No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My pussy is not your playground.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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