Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
