apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
