Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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