OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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