Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My pussy is not your playground.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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