Moan for me like Helen Keller
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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