I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
