I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
