I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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