things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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