my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
