I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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