I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
