You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
