We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
