non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
