I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
