seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we're making bets on your personal life
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
