Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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