She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
