Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

So drunk, too bad you don't want this

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(631): View more from New York

guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.

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(956): View more from Texas

He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first

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(845): View more from New York

I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?

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