I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
