i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
