That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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